im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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