I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
