Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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