Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
