Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
