Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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