If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
