Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
