Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
where am i from again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
