I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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