Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
