Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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