i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize