O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
