you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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