I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
