Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
