you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
