The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize