My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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