as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
