Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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