these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
