i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize