piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
