I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize