weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize