Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
