Apparently you make a good broom.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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