these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
