just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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