I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
