filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
