At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
