I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
