Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
