She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to make out with him forever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
