I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize