i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
