I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can I color on your dick again?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
