It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
