im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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