dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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