Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
