Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
