I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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