I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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