she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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