sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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