You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
