Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
