my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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