Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
