toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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