I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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