i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
