talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
