I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
