I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
