I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
