im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
