Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We're too hungover to prance.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
