I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
