i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
