Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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