i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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