I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
