I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
