I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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