his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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