**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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