So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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