I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
