Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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